Still wearing a beanie to work
I thought my first blog post was going to be about something different, but yesterday at work something happened to me that i keep thinking about and that feels right to write down here.
In our office there is a wide range of how people dress and my team dresses pretty casually - hoodies and T-shirts are normal.
Ever since i went bald, i wear a lot of caps and beanies because i like how they feel on my head and also how they look.
Sometimes when i don't wear any headwear it feels like something is missing.
During the colder months i like to wear one of these hipster beanies, which don't cover the ears, even to work.
I get that it's kind of ridiculous to wear a beanie indoors, especially at work and sometimes i feel a little foolish, but that is just what i like to wear. Some older direct team members have been teasing me a bit about the beanie which is totally fine and all in good fun.
This morning i grabbed my coffee in our floor's kitchen, like every morning i'm in the office. A small group was chatting in the corner, and i said hi on my way in. I was already halfway out the door when one of them said, in a dismissive tone and pretty loudly: "Hauptsache er zieht eine Mütze an", which roughly means "As long as he’s got his beanie on".
I am not sure if it was meant for me to hear, but i was definitely in earshot. I didn't turn around. It took me a moment to process it and then i went back to my desk.
I couldn't really focus much on work directly after it happened, i just kept thinking about it.
I am not angry that he said it, i am angry that he would say it about me while i was still in earshot, because to me that is really disrespectful. Of course i also talk smack about people at work, that's what the coffee kitchen is for! But i would never do so while the person was still nearby.
I also felt angry at myself for not saying something. So back at my desk, under my blue beanie, my brain went straight into daydream mode about all the things i could have said or the things i was going to say the next time i would meet this guy.
Another part of me tried to convince myself that this was not a big deal and that i do not care about a tiny comment some random guy at work said.
It also reminded me of the time when i was at a bar with friends wearing a beanie because i was going through chemo at the time and somebody next to me loudly asked his friends why somebody would wear a beanie in the summer in a bar in the same dismissive tone. That is not why his remark stung though - too much time has passed already and i only noticed the connection to that moment after a while.
I also really want to understand what he was getting at. There are definitely other people at work wearing baseball caps. It's 2026. So i should only wear things that are functional?
I know i shouldn't say something the next time i see him because that would give the remark more power but i kind of want him to know that i heard it and that i am not shying away from saying something about it. Maybe i'll say something, maybe i won't.
Anyways, the beanie stays on.